08.25.06

At the end of last semester I enrolled myself in Beginning Tap Dancing for Non Majors and Hatha Yoga for Fall 2006, all courtesy of my lovely employee benefit called the tuition waiver.  However, the more I thought about it over the summer, I felt that while I would thoroughly enjoy a tap class, I would probably benefit a bit more from taking a Greek readings class I noticed on the class schedule for the fall semester.  My Greek skills have fallen into pitiful disrepair, which is particularly pitiful considering that Greek may be what I want to do with my life.   So, in an effort to perhaps prepare for my future, I enrolled. 

Now as time passed, I mourned the loss of my tap class less and less and looked forward my Greek class more and more.  I was super excited come Monday morning … Readings in New Testament Greek, 9:00 AM, Liberal Arts Building room 227.  I felt like a freshman as I walked in a complete circle twice trying to find room 227, which happened to be in a rather obscure little nook.  But I made it … the search only enhanced the anticipation.  However, I get to the class only to find only three other students and no professor.  It turns out that the class had been cancelled.  Ugh, and too late to re-enroll in tap! 

So I began to evaluate the situation and decided that I would maybe try out the Biblical Greek I class later that morning.  The same professor was supposed to teach that one as well, so maybe I could find out something more about the Readings class.  After speaking with Dr. Debolt, it turned out that even though the class had been cancelled, he was planning on meeting with interested students informally to work through selected NT readings.  Which is awesome for me … I could get my $78 in class fees back and still take the class I had intened to take! 

So Wednesday afternoon I meet with Dr. Debolt and one other interested student … our first class meeting.  We basically read through the first fourteen verses of John, and while I was pleasantly surprised at my vocab recall, I was horrified at my form recognition.  I realized the effort that it would take to get back to the level at which I needed to be, and I was discouraged.  However, I wasn’t surprised.  I have picked up my Greek New Testament maybe five times in the past two years.  And let’s face it, I wasn’t that great of a Greek student in the first place.

I began my Greek journey five years ago, sophomore year in Greek I with Dr. Kelly.  I studied hard for my first test and made like a 96, but wasn’t willing to put in the time and effort to keep that up.  It was bizarre … I was so used to having things come naturally and not having to study much to make good grades.  But I don’t care who you are, Greek isn’t like that.  I mean, natural talent and intelligence will help, but only so much as maybe you won’t fail the class if you’re really smart.  Greek takes nuturing.  It takes lots of time and attention.  I still maintain that I wasn’t mature enough to take Greek as a sophomore.  I didn’t realize what it demanded, and once I did, I wasn’t willing to comply with its demands.

So I made a “B” in Greek I.  I worked harder in Greek II, but without the solid foundation I needed, I made a “B” in Greek II.  And while in other classes I could study the night before an exam and pull of an “A,” not in Greek.  Greek III?  “B.”  Greek IV?  “C.”  A “C!”  My only “C” ever … and in my major … pitiful.  I took a Greek Readings class the same semester as Greek IV, and pulled off a B, but barely.  My senior year, I finally realized my love for the language and pulled off an “A” in NT Textual Criticism as well as an “A” in my second go-round with Greek IV. 

However, my good grades could be more indicative of my adaptation to studying better for tests, rather than my actual grasping of the language.  I think it all goes back to Greek I.  Man, if I had only worked harder back then …

So basically, all this is running through my head as I am trying desperately not to sound stupid in my on the spot translation of John.  I realized that while I will certainly benefit from taking the Greek Readings class this semester, I will benefit even more from going back to the basics of Greek I.  I mean, I’m going to have to do it anyway … the question is, do I have the discipline to go back and re-teach myself?  Or should I actually enroll in Greek I so that I have to go to class and study for quizzes and tests?  Is it worth $78 for me to ensure a little outside motivation?  You know, I think it is.  And you know what?  It won’t hurt to show that I took Greek I again … and made an “A.” 

So here I am, enrolled in the same class I took five years ago, finally in the right frame of mind to take it.  I went to my second class today, and I absolutely loved it.  It was such a confirming moment.  I just soaked up every word … things I never knew like the phrase “ephelcistic nu.”  My professor is pretty brilliant.  And hopefully I can make it to some of the Readings meetings … basically free one on one time with a Greek monster … pretty great.  So I realize that this all probably means nothing to anyone except perhaps RegularGoy, but it’s all ultimately for me anyway.  Blessings, all!

08.20.06

“You know, there are very few times in my life when I find myself sitting around thinking, ‘I wish I was married.’  But today … I mean … I … I’m happy.  You know?  I like my life.  I like my friends.  I like my stuff.  My time.  My space.  My TV.  But every now and then, just for a moment, I wish I had a partner.  Someone to pick up the slack, someone to wait for the cable guy, make me coffee in the morning …”

 - Lorelai to Luke in GG episode # 79, “The Incredible Shrinking Lorelais”

I suppose I have thought a lot about my future husband/marriage (notice I didn’t say wedding).  Never really in an “Oh, I can’t wait to be married” way, but more in an “I wonder what that will be like” way.  I was always counseled never to date someone I wouldn’t consider marrying, which of course raises the marriage potential question for every guy I’m attracted to.  College came, and I was suddenly surrounded by friends falling in love and getting married.  Then there’s that ever popular OBU phrase, “Ring by Spring.”  Honestly, it was all a little much, and I began to push aside most thoughts about my own future marriage.  I didn’t want to meet my husband at OBU … that was too typical for me. 

Well, I graduated, and a strange thing happened.  I began to think about marriage again.  It was odd; a desire I had previously pushed aside was suddenly reawakened.  I don’t want to give the wrong impression; it’s not like it’s all I thought about or anything, but it was there.  And it’s still there.  Occasionally I think about wanting to get married.

Even as I write those words, I almost feel embarrassed.  Because I don’t want to be that girl.  The girl who is waiting for her life to start.  The girl who is is incomplete in herself.  The girl who thinks her wedding day will be the best day of her life.  But you know what?  I am not that girl, and having a desire for marraige doesn’t make me her either.

Recently I was reminded of the particular Gilmore Girls episode referenced above.   Lorelai’s words could be mine.  “Every now and then, just for a moment, I wish I had a partner.”  I like that word, “partner.”  Partner in life.  Partner in ministry.  Partner in love.  I once received a wedding invitation with Ecclesiastes 4:12b printed at the bottom.  In context, it says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone?  Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

I think in a society in which independence, often to the point of isolation, is praised, it is important to reiterate the necessity and reality of interdependence and interconnectedness.  Granted, this is not limited to marriage, but what an amazing representation of it marriage can be.  Marriage is a good thing, and I will no longer be embarrassed to admit my desire for it.

So where does that leave me?  With a desire yet unfulfilled.  So what am I supposed to do now?  Three things come to mind: 1) I am to become the person God has created me to be.  2) I am to live my life now and live it abundantly.  3) I am to TRUST GOD.  Now that’s not too difficult, is it?  Haha.

I am so thankful for the wisdom God has given Derek Webb, along with the talent and artistry to express that wisdom through music.  Awhile back I did a Derek Webb lyric tribute on each post in the weeks leading up to his concert, but I never posted the lyrics to my favorite song of his, knowing that I would want to use them in this, my final post on relationships/singleness/dating/marriage.  So I leave you with them now, along with a scripture a college girl shared with me when I was in high school in regard to my dating relationships.  Both are extremely significant to me when it comes to this area of my life, and I pray that they speak to you as well.

Table for Two – Caedmon’s Call

 

Danny and I spent another late night over pancakes
We talked about soccer and how every man’s just the same
And made speculation on the who’s and the when’s of our futures
And how everyone’s lonely but still we just couldn’t complain

 

And how we just hate being alone
Could I have missed my only chance
And now I’m just wasting my time
By looking around

 

But you know I know better, I’m not gonna worry ’bout nothing
‘Cause if the birds and the flowers survive then I’ll make it okay
Given a chance and a rock see which one breaks a window
And see which one keeps me up all night and into the day

 

Because I’m so scared of being alone
That I forgot what house I live in
But it’s not my job to wait by the phone
For her to call

 

Well this day’s been crazy but everything’s happened on schedule
From the rain and the cold to the drink that I spilled on my shirt
‘Cause You knew how You’d save me before I fell dead in the garden
And You knew this day long before You made me out of dirt

 

And You know the plans that You have for me
And You can’t plan the ends and not plan the means
And so I suppose I just need some peace
To get me to sleep

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”  Proverbs 3:5-6

08.17.06

Wow … so over a month since my last real post.  I don’t count lyrics as posts, and for the most part try to avoid quoting whole songs because I’m pretty sure people don’t ever read the whole thing.  “Invade” was more of a prayer for the opening of my building, but I digress.

I feel like there have been several blog worthy events over the past month, so I will now offer up an illustrated synopsis of said events.

In mid July I got to see Rob Bell speak at the Diamond Ballroom.  Ha.  Why they would ever schedule such an event at such a venue, I have no idea.  First of all, they sold about 1000 tickets, but yet had maybe 800 chairs.  Second of all, there was no air conditioning.  None.  Hence the gross sweaty picture below.  About a third of the way into it, Rob asked the back of the room if they could hear him, and the angry mob shouted no.  After which, he pulled people up to sit on stage and in the aisles.  Other than the heat and sound, it was a completely worthwhile event.  I have since watched several more of the Nooma videos and started reading “Velvet Elvis” … another book I want Tracy to read … a lot to resonate with.

A few weeks later, I had the pleasure of my cousin’s company for an entire week.  The girl had never been to a “real” concert, and after a difficult ordeal, I finally got us Fray tickets on Ebay.  Now we thought since it was a general admission concert, we’d get there a couple hours early so that we could get a good spot on the floor.  However, when we drove by Cain’s maybe three hours before doors opened, there were already maybe forty people that looked like they had been there since early that morning.  We’re talking big umbrellas and coolers … wow.  Anyway, we ate dinner, got there an hour later and there were probably 200 people in front of us.  Fifteen minutes later there were 200 more behind us.  Not fun sitting outside for an hour and a half in the Tulsa heat, not fun I tell you!  Well, we finally get in and stake our claim on the floor maybe about ten rows back.  And then it gets crowded.  I usually don’t mind crowded concerts, but these were fans of The Fray … translation: girls in their early to mid teens.  And tall ones at that.  Okay, enough of the negatives.  I’m usually not impressed with opening bands, but Augustana was anything but disappointing.  The Fray was fun as well, but the best part was getting to experience Jayme’s first “real” concert with her.  Here’s the cute and trendy pre concert pic, along with the gross and sweaty encore concert pic for your comparing and contrasting pleasure.

 

The week after my cousin left, the RAs arrived.  This year’s group is just phenomenal, and not just my staff.  This was my favorite training yet, even despite my complete and total exhaustion by the end of it all.  The night before move in I took a  power nap from 7:00 AM to 7:20 AM.  Anyway, move in has gone smoothly, and I love my staff more than ever.  I had to replace one RA that quit at the beginning of the summer and another that quit the day they were supposed to move in, but my new girls are fabulous, and I don’t think we’ve ever had a better staff dynamic.  Anyway, here’s a pic of my beautiful girlies (and yes, that is a bird on my shirt).

Driving back from the RA training retreat, I got an interesting call from my good friend Sydnie.  She wanted me to come over and hang out that night, but was insistant that I call her if I wasn’t coming so that she would know how many people to expect.  I flat out asked her if she was engaged, but she said she wasn’t.  Later, however, when I was late getting over there, she called to make sure I was still coming, saying, “I really want you to come over!”  So I finally make it over, and lo and behold my friend has a ring on her finger!  And I’m the first friend in the bridesmaid line up.  (Sister and and future sister in law come first.) 

Welp, I believe that about sums up the past month or so.  I refuse to believe that Xanga is dead, although it rarely shows any sign of life.  I really do this more for myself anyway.  I’m glad to be back!

08.11.06

Come, come in
Invade all You see of us
Any man, who’d walk Your road is welcomed here
And You’re the only One

Jesus, come and walk the halls of this house
Tread this place and turn it inside out
With Your mercy…
Jesus, teach us the prayers that open these doors
Until Your light floods in and illuminates these floors
And let Your truth be on our steps and in these rooms
Jesus invade…

Reach, reach in
With the hand that heals all our suffering
Conquer all that is not of You
Bring Your Spirit through
As we fill these walls with Your praise

I call for angels
I call for mercy
I call for freedom
In the name of Jesus
In the name of Jesus

(Watermark – Invade)