Two Reasons I’m Thankful for Summer Hebrew

This time last week I was driving to Aurora with Sharon for a celebratory Sonic slush.  Occasion?  I was done with summer Hebrew.  Even though I was iffy on the grammar/syntax portion of the final, I figured I at least passed (although a couple days later I had a dream to the contrary).  After four weeks of classes, four days a week, four hours a day, I was totally deserving of a cherry lime slush w/ extra real cherries.  And it was Sharon’s first Sonic trip.  And it was happy hour.  And it was great.

Now that the class is over, and I’ve had a week to somewhat relax (except for the whole working three jobs and leading small group), I’ve noticed a few positive changes in myself as a result of summer Hebrew.  #1 – I am a workout fiend.  #2 – I am a morning person.

For number one I can thank Hebrew vocab.  Every day in class we had a quiz focused heavily on vocabulary.  For each class we had about 40 words to memorize (assuming a base of 200), so that by the end of the four weeks we had memorized over 600 words.  So almost every day after class, I would go home for a light lunch before heading over the SRC to kinesthetically learn vocab.  I’d hop on the elliptical for an hour which was pretty much the perfect amount of time to learn 40 words.  With a quick review the following morning before the quiz, I was usually pretty prepared.  So thank you, vocab accountability quizzes, for contributing to my fitness.

For number two I can thank Hebrew homework.  Okay, so to make a long story short, I am not so great with Hebrew.  I took three semesters in college and did okay, so I figured even four years later I didn’t need to start completely over.  Well, I did.  Instead of beginning again in first semester, I jumped back in at the second and was way behind.  I played catch up all spring, never really catching up.  So going into third semester this summer, I was a little apprehensive.  The first night of homework we were assigned, I didn’t finish.  I stayed up late, got up early, and still didn’t finish.  In the following days and weeks I got faster at translation, which helped, but there were still several nights that I would be too tired to finish.  I figured that if I got up really early the next morning (and considering my class STARTED at 8:00 this meant REALLY early) I could work much more efficiently than late at night.  And I did.  But that meant several mornings of getting up at 5:00-ish, even a couple mornings before then.  All of that to say, that even after a week of no early morning obligations, I don’t think I’ve slept in past 6:30 a single day.  Which is CRAZY for me, because I am such a night person and have been since childhood.  My parents had a terrible time of waking me up in the mornings.  “Five more minutes,” was my early morning anthem.  I think I even had a pair of pajamas with the phrase written on them.  However, on those rare occasions that I have gotten up early, I always love it.  Early morning runs, early morning prayer, early morning road trips, whatever.    I love, love, love early mornings.  It’s just the waking up part that I hate.  So for the past week I’ve been trying to go to bed decently early so as not to alter my new early morning wake up inclination.  So thank you, Hebrew homework, for giving me a reason to get up in the mornings.

Ha … I thought I was back to blogging at the end of the semester, but Hebrew sure kept me from it.  I can’t actually give all the working out credit to Hebrew; another post on that is soon to follow.  The mornings, though … all Hebrew.  How long is it supposed to take to form a habit?  21 days?  Yep, got that one down after week three. 

Time for a New One of These …

Geez Louise, it’s been a month since I last posted.  Let’s see, I don’t know when I’ve researched more, written more, stressed more, cried more, and slept less than in the past month.  To use my roommate’s term, this semester has been the perfect storm of classes, work, and procrastination resulting in the culminating hurricane that was the past two weeks.

But it’s over.  Clem and Clem are off my chest.  (Okay, I couldn’t find the YouTube clip, so this will have to do … scroll to the quotes.)  I can actually go grocery shopping, work out, and paint my toenails!  I have a super fabulous week ahead of me before my summer school class begins the following week, and I am feeling pret-ty good.

I hope to write a lot more this summer because #1: I enjoy it, and #2: it’s a good skill to develop … even on a blog.  Hmm … maybe I’ll even do a series or something.  There are thoughts simmering, friends, but considering I just took my last final yesterday I’m not quite ready to dive into the whole thinking coherently thing.

Anyway, all that to say that after my finals/papers induced hibernation period, it’s good to be back.

2008: Another Illustrated Year in Review

Last year I started a new tradition.  Rather than sending out a Christmas card letter, I wrote a Christmas card letter blog … 2007: An Illustrated Year in Review.  It was a great way to reflect on the past year (good times and bad) and share my experiences with others, not to mention giving myself something to look back on and remember 2007.  So as 2008 has come and gone, I am attempting to answer Jonathan Larson’s melodic question, “How do you measure, measure a year?”

IN JOBS

2008 was my last year in residence life after three years as an RA and four as a Hall Director.  After deciding (finally) to go back to school in the fall, I closed down West Hall for the last time in May.  I have so many great memories from my years at UCO, and it was certainly hard to leave.  I especially miss all my RAs (my favorite part of the job was leading the staff) and fellow HDs.  Soon after moving to Wheaton, I began working at Bath & Bodyworks and then in the fall picked up a job watching a couple boys after school three days a week.  About midway through the semester I also started tutoring a girl for the ACT.  I didn’t necessarily plan to work that much, and it was definitely a hard balancing act with the demands of graduate school.  I hope to cut back or at least balance a little better this spring.

IN MILES

Hmm, I guess this applies in more ways than one!  If I hadn’t completely uprooted and driven over a thousand miles across the country to begin school this fall, I would certainly count running a marathon as the year’s highlight.  Back last fall my good friend Jamie volunteered to train and one my first marathon with me in April.  We logged many a mile over our five months of training, becoming quite1450 familiar with almost every street in Edmond and on a few long runs, Oklahoma City as well.  We had a good race and met my initial goal of breaking five hours with a time of 4:43:34.  I was a little disappointed that I didn’t beat Oprah, but there’s always next time … the Chicago marathon is calling my name!

IN GOODBYES

After graduating from OBU in 2004, I immediately moved to Edmond to start my job at UCO.  For four fun years I lived there, and deciding to move away brought a lot of sad goodbyes.  I had the best friends!  A few weeks before I left, my friend Melissa arranged a “slumber party card night” for a few of us that usually got together on Sunday nights.  When I got to her house, it turned out that it was actually a surprise Chicago themed going away party!  Sydnie (one of my very best friends who moved away at the beginning of the year) drove in from Tulsa, and a couple other friends were in from out of town as well.  We played cards (of course) and ate Old Chicago pizza while listening to Chicago (the band) and then watched Chicago (the movie).  The highlight of the night was when the doorbell rang and Candace and Melissa were nowhere to be found.  Everyone looked at me as if it was my responsibility to answer the door.  When I opened it, Candace and Melissa were standing beside a brand new bike with a bow on it!  My sweet friends had all gone in together to replace my bike that was stolen earlier in the summer.  Yeah, did I mention I have the best friends?  The young adult pastor at my church also threw a going away swim party, and I was incredibly blessed by the prayers and encouragement from my brothers and sisters I had so grown to love over the past few years (not to mention being blessed by the amazing bible software I got as a going away gift).  Several of these same friends also showed up to carry boxes and furniture down a pretty narrow stairwell come moving day.  I tried to cram in as much quality time as possible my last night there: dinner with Stacey, prayer time with Conversation Cafe friends, a Wal-Mart run with Rodney, one last game of cards with Melissa, Candace, AnaLeah, and Michelle, and then a goodbye to Todd, Jeanna and Caed (in utero).  I think I cried at each goodbye.

IN FAMILY

I love my family so much, so I’m pretty excited for any occasion that brings us together.  I can count on Thanksgiving and Christmas, but this year my cousin Ericka graduated from high school thus bringing us all together again.  I couldn’t wait to see my uncle Jay and give him the Tim Duncan jersey I got for $3 at a garage sale with Sydnie!  He wore it the next Spurs playoff game which unfortunately they lost.  This year also marked another momentous family occasion … Jayme & I getting to live in the same town!  Man, I love that girl; she’s the closest thing I have to a sister and I get to see her all the time now as we’re both at Wheaton.    My sweet, sweet parents and brother helped me get up there, and on the way we stopped in at my great aunt and uncle’s home in Iowa.  Of course we had to watch Field of Dreams.  The last time I’d visited there was about twenty years ago, so it was so interesting to see my grandfather’s home with grown up eyes.

IN CLASSES

The biggest change in my life over the past year was definitely my return to the classroom.  After tossing around the thought for several years, I finally decided on Wheaton and began their Biblical Exegesis program this fall.  This past semester I took Intermediate Greek, New Testament Theology, and Principles of Interpretation (the level of difficulty increasing respectively).  Principles was certainly baptism by fire.  I made it through my twelve page exegesis paper somewhat unscathed, however, and funfetti cupcakes have become my new celebratory indulgence.

IN VISITS

One of the best things about living in such close proximity to Chicago is people’s willingness to come and visit!  A couple weeks after I moved to Wheaton, a couple HHBC friends stopped in for a couple days on their way back to Oklahoma from Michigan.  I had such a blast with Rachel and Jenny and got my first chance to play tour guide … walking tour guide that is.  I bet we walked fifteen miles in one day.  In October my sweet friend and marathon partner Jamie came for a visit.  I gave her a jogging tour of Wheaton in addition to the soon to be trademarked “Sarah’s Walking Tour o’ Chicago.”  We entered our name into a drawing to win vouchers for discounted front row tickets to Wicked, and we won!  My aunt Kaye came up a few weeks later to bring my cousin her car, so the three of us put in the Chicago miles as well.  My last visit of the semester was from three of the card girls.  I was so happy to have AnaLeah, Michelle and Kelsey with me on their fall break.  They came to my NT Theo class Thursday night and then we spent the rest of the weekend in the city.  I won Wicked vouchers AGAIN, so Michelle got to sit front row on her birthday after having a hilarious birthday lunch at Ed Debevic’s.  We shopped the Mag Mile and did other touristy stuff having an incredible time.  Anyone else wanna come visit?  I’ve got the tour guide thing down.

IN FRIENDSHIPS

One of the hardest things about moving was leaving behind some incredible friendships.  From the card girls, to church friends, to the House Church/Coversation Cafe crowd, to coworkers, to Stacey (who defies any category), I was incredibly blessed in Oklahoma, and I knew those friendships couldn’t be replaced wherever I went.  Thankfully, there are great people in Illinois too!  I found a church I really loved relatively quickly after moving, and Susan and Marshall have been incredibly generous to host a 20-somethings small group in their home each week.  I became quick friends with Sharon, Jill and Kristi.  I also made a good friend my first week here after attending a random discussion group.  Kristine has since become my faithful concert buddy.  I’ve been nothing but impressed with my classmates and was thankful to have my co-exegesis friends Angie and Ashley each in one of my classes.  Emily’s a great roommate, and I couldn’t be more excited to have Jayme living just over a mile away.  She makes the family and the friendship category. 

IN CONCERTS

Yes, no end of year summation would be complete without a concert tribute.  I’ve already written about most of these, so we’ll just go with this year’s list:

• Derek Webb – University Baptist Church, Shawnee, OK
• Caedmon’s Call – The Door, Dallas
• Jenny Lewis – Epiphany, Chicago
• Rachel Unthank & The Winterset – Schuba’s, Chicago
• Don Chaffer – The Union, Naperville, IL
• Ray LaMontagne – Chicago Theatre, Chicago
• Andrew Peterson – Hickory Creek Community Church, Frankfort, IL
• Conor Oberst – The Vic, Chicago
• Over the Rhine – The Union, Naperville, IL
• Shawn McDonald – Willow Creek, South Barrington, IL
• Over the Rhine – Double Door, Chicago

Now that I have access to a plethora of great shows, I have reason to add a new list to this category … Shows I Wish I’d Been Able to See:

• Sam Phillips: No excuse!  I should have gone.  Looking back, I would have even taken a loss on a second ticket just to be there.
• Andrew Peterson’s Behold the Lamb of God tour: Who cares that it was nearly two hours away on a school night?  I’ve been wanting to see this Christmas show for years, and it was finally going to be within a feasible driving distance.  A plague upon the paper that kept me at home!
• Derek Webb:  Only one thing could keep me from a solo acoustic Derek Webb show, and that would be the afore-cursed paper.  Yeah, I couldn’t really justify going the day before it was due.  I had hoped; it just didn’t happen.
• Bon Iver: A friend introduced me to this beautiful band earlier in the semester, and I was so excited to see he was playing The Vic in December.  Then I noticed the date was the same as one of my finals.  Seriously, Wheaton, you are completely interfering with my true purpose in living here!

IN MISCELLANEOUS

These are my honorable mentions, I suppose.  I certainly don’t want to forget:

• Volleyball nights at HHBC & Parkview
• My “Tribute to the Twenties” Finer Things Club invitation … No paper.  No plastic.  No talking about work.
• Henderson’s 20 Something Date Auction & subsequent date … Jamie and I raised over $400 auctioning ourselves off for missions, and we got to see Derek Webb. 
• Thursday night LOST parties with Todd & Jeanna
• My last West Hall Academy Awards Gala
• My last Strangers in the Night … my girls got me a date this year!
• Three weddings in two weeks … Kelsey, Anna and then Dave & Teresa
• Last weekend in OK road trip to Dallas … Jamie and I visited Kelly and got to see Shane Claiborne on the Jesus for President book tour.

Well, that about sums it up.  Until next year, friends …

I resolve …

1. To make significant strides toward long term health and fitness.  I won’t elaborate here because I intend to address this one blog-wise in the next few weeks.
2. To take a sabbatical from television.  Over the past few years I’ve watched less and less TV, although this year being back on a student schedule has allowed for much more mindless consumption, especially in the afternoon hours (think Full House re-runs and Family Feud … yeah, I’m not proud).  I don’t want to be ridiculous about this one, however; I plan to follow the spirit of the resolution rather than the letter, especially when it comes to social occasions.  In fact, I am already exempting Thursday nights because LOST is a million times more fun with fellow addicts … ooh, and The Office.
3. To read more fiction.  This flows naturally out of the aforementioned resolution, as I would like to spend more of my free time (haha … fellow Exegesis students laugh with me now) reading for fun.  I would especially love to go back and re-read the books I “skimmed” in high school and college.  I started “To Kill a Mockingbird” over the break in solidarity with my brother who’s about to read it for school this spring.  I had forgotton how incredible it is, and it’s only reinforced my desire to read more.  My junior year of college I went on a “Greek Retreat Weekend” with my Greek Readings professor and about ten other students.  One night at dinner Dr. Roark asked us the first book we remembered reading and loving.  After several people offered their responses, he said something to the effect of, “You don’t get enough real life without reading fiction.”  More than anything Greek related about that weekend, I remember his oxymoronic statement and have since been amused to discover its truth.
4. To give my best effort toward course work.  My first semester back in school after four years off was a good one, but I definitely know I can do better.  Work was especially hard to balance (and I’m sure will continue to be so), but I think with a semester under my belt I am much better prepared to give my best effort this semester.  This will include:  not missing any classes unless decidedly planned in advance, i.e. because of travel, etc.  (However, I will not skip in order to finish homework for other classes or because I forgot to turn my phone – and thus my alarm – off vibrate, as were the few occasions for skipping this semester), actually being early for every class (five minutes is my goal), getting to know and have a good relationship with each of my professors, and finally (and perhaps most importantly) getting research done AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
5. To put myself on a path for significant spiritual growth.  I’m actually collapsing several resolutions into one here.  In so many ways the past semester has been the best of times and the worst of times, and honestly my time with the Lord has often been of the worst category.  It’s not just my “quiet time” that I’m concerned for; I have not sought to walk in the Spirit.  I’ve drunk shallowly and thus lived shallowly, but I am beginning again to crave that intimacy and depth.  Ever since my freshman year  when Richard Foster’s “Celebration of Discipline” was assigned reading in my Intro to Minisitry class, I’ve been unable to escape the book’s opening paragraph: “Superficiality is the curse of our age.  The doctrine of instant satisfaction is a primary spiritual problem.  The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people.”  I don’t want to fall into a legalistic agenda rewarded by check marks and gold stars; I want to BE different.  BE transformed.  So tangibly, over the following year I would like to:

• Read the bible through chronologically.  It is ridiculous that I am a graduate student in Biblical studies and have yet to read my object of study in its entirety.  For some reason I get sidetracked after making it all the way to Judges; I get through the hard part and then give up and go back to familiar NT passages.  I have started several reading “plans” beginning in middle school and up to this past spring, but have yet to complete any of them.  So hopefully by trying something new (the chronological approach) and by making my goal public, this will be the year.
• Study, but more importantly actually practice the spiritual disciplines.  I want to experiment with those I have been more hesitant to practice and go deeper in those I have more confidence in.  I want to glean wisdom from those who have practiced them both now and well into the past.  I want to become the deep person Foster argues is so desperately needed.
• Attend Wheaton’s theology conference this spring over Spiritual Formation.
• Go on a personal retreat.  After reading this blog a few months ago, I was reminded of this blog I read awhile back, and the combination of the two stirred up a similar desire within myself.  I don’t know what it will look like or when it will happen, but I’ve also felt the call to “Get thee to a nunnery.”

Alright, so those are my five … well, more like ten crammed into five.  I am a lover of lists, especially lists in blog form, so this was a fun one.  What about you, friends … what are your resolutions this year?

Blessings and Woes

A few weeks ago I turned in my first grad school research paper.  Considering I haven’t written much else other than blogs these past four years, I was a little nervous about the assignment.  Regardless, I picked a topic and for a solid week did little else but read, highlight, and write … and write and write.  So, I’m sure you can understand my recent lack of blogging motivation.  : )

But, over two weeks have passed and I’m up for it again.  Actually, I wanted to write a little about my paper.  Usually, the second I turn in a research paper, I am itching to turn in my library books.  I cannot wait to have all evidence that a research paper occurred out of sight and out of mind.  And while I still am not “Little Miss Research,” this paper seemed to stick with me unlike any other I had written.

I think that picking a research topic can often be the most difficult part of the process.  My assignment was to trace a theme within one of the synoptic gospels, and initially I thought I might do something with Mark, either “kingdom” or “hiddenness.”  I was interested mainly because Mark is the shortest and we’d already gone over it in class.  Everyone I talked to, however, seemed to be thinking along similar lines.

The week before the paper was due Dr. Perrin lectured on Luke.  Towards the end of class, he split us into small groups and had each one read a different passage having something to do with the poor and then discuss the groups associated with the poor (lame, blind, etc.)  There were plenty of passages to go around.  My group read from Luke’s “Sermon on the Plain.”  Most people, even unchurched, have heard of Matthew’s “Sermon on the Mount,” or at least have heard the phrase “Blessed are the poor in spirit.”  However, what do you do with Luke who simply says “Blessed are you who are poor”?  Not sure I ever heard a sermon preached on that one.

Walking out of class that night, I changed my topic.  I hadn’t done any research yet anyway, so I made a decision.  I was going to write about the theme of “The Poor” in Luke.  The strange thing for me is that I rarely feel like I pick my research topics.  I may have some broad idea about what I’m going to write about, but once I get into it, things seem to change.  I went in thinking I would write about the poor, did all the research to that end, and ended up writing about the rich.  As I read more and more on the topic, it became more and more personal.  Rather than writing objectively about the ethical implications of Jesus’ apparent preference for the poor, I wrote personally about the ethical implications of the possession and dangers of wealth.

I don’t want this to be a Cliff’s Notes of my paper, so I’ll leave out the summarizing.  I’ll just say that after completing the paper, I still have a lot to think about.  I never considered myself rich, so I’m not sure Jesus’ stories and direct address (“Woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation.”) ever really spoke to me before.  However, as I read through Luke on this occasion, I saw myself reflected in the rich man, not Lazurus, in the rich young ruler, not the poor he was told to sell his goods to help.

I quoted Andrew Peterson the night I turned my paper in … the most writing I could muster at that point.  : )  His words so beautifully capture the point.  It’s not that there’s some inherent goodness in poverty or some inherent evil in wealth.  The poor are blessed because they know what it is to be in need.  They are in a spiritually enviable position in that “their economic misfortune render(s) them more responsive to the will of God.  Their daily hunger and grief h(o)ld them close to the prerequisites of the kingdom.”  (Okay, I had to get in one paper quote there … from Thomas Hoyt Jr.’s article “The Poor/Rich Theme in the Beatitudes” if you’re interested.)  Not to mention the fact that in the age to come there will be an end to their need.

Jesus speaks woes to the rich not because money is bad but because it’s easy to find our security and consolation in the world.  Like Andrew sings, I, too, am shackled by the comfort of my couch.  But the funny thing about woes is that they’re not actually condemnations.  They’re warnings.  It’s as though Jesus is saying, “Wake up!  Quit trusting in yourself and in your stuff and realize you have NOTHING apart from me!  Help those in need because I have blessed you to do so.  Glory in me, not in your possessions.”

The night before my paper was due, I had an interesting conversation with a man at the gas station behind my apartment.  We both approached the checkout counter at the same time, and he gestured for me to go first.  I stepped up to pay for my Dr. Pepper when the guy interjected, “Just buying lottery tickets.”  I think I might have smiled or said, “Oh,” my mind on getting out of there to get back to writing my paper when he piped up again, “Hope I win.”  He went on to tell me that he’d won $10,000 recently but that it was already gone.  I found this interaction a little ironic considering my paper topic.  I usually just nod and smile whenever strangers talk to me, but I thought I’d engage this man considering my paper and all.  “Yeah, I don’t think the track record’s too great on the people who win the lottery.”  To which he responded, “Yeah, you know money carries with it a kinda curse, but you know what?  Give me the curse.”  I gave an obligatory chuckle and walked back to finish my paper.

The dangers of wealth are almost inescapable.  We’re so culturally conditioned to think materially and selfishly, not eterally.  I would challenge you to read Luke with fresh eyes.  It’s amazing how much Jesus has to say about these issues.  Perhaps you’ll come away with a new or revived interest in helping the poor.  Or perhaps you’ll see a need for repentance as I did and still do.

Best Quote of the Day (Yesterday, Actually)

“The Christian life is the easiest thing in the world, unless you read your Bible.” – Dr. Perrin

In Search of the Third Place

Exactly three months have passed since I last posted, my longest blogging break on record. If I ever had an excuse, however, I suppose packing up everything I own, moving across the country, unpacking and trying to adjust to a completely new life would be a pretty good one.

Coming off of my little hiatus, there’s a lot I could write. I might do an annotated and illustrated update soon, but for today I want to talk about the Third Place.

I moved to Wheaton about two weeks ago, completely prepared in most respects. I stayed in Edmond a couple weeks after my job ended, so I had plenty of time to pack and get organized for the move. I had a place to live (thank you, Jesus) and even tentative job lined up for when I got here. In Anne Lamott’s book “Traveling Mercies,” she talks about two prayers she returned to over and over again: “Help me, help me, help me,” and “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Throughout this whole ordeal, my heart has echoed the latter.

When I moved to Edmond four years ago, initially it was really hard. I was lonely. I had a few friends in OKC, but no real sense of community in my new place. The start of the school year helped once I had a staff and had grown closer to a couple of my coworkers, but it was a good year before I felt really a part of a community outside of work.

So in moving here, I knew it would be hard again. I was prepared somewhat. I am not a superficial friendship person; I hate small talk. I just want to snap my fingers and magically conjure up deep friendships. However, as my good friend Stacey reminds me, the superficial stage and the small talk are necessary to the development of the depth I long for.

I think the hardest part now is the loss that I feel. I mean, I knew it would take time to develop the kind of relationships that I had in Oklahoma, but being here and only knowing a handful of people (if that) has reiterated how blessed I was not only by my friendships but by the communities I was a part of there.

As much as I want to fast forward to deep community, I know it’s not possible. I have to start somewhere, so that’s what I’ve been doing this past week. Last Tuesday I visited a group discussing a theology of poverty and a specific chapter of “Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger.” Having read some of the book a few years back upon the recommendation of a professor, I jumped at the opportunity to discuss something so interesting (and rarely discussed in my usual circles). Plus, I would be getting out and meeting people other than my roommate. : )

Ironically, the conversation at one point turned to community, and someone mentioned a phrase I had never heard of before. He said something about the decline of the “third place” in American society. I interrupted at this point asking for clarification, and received a little sociology lesson. The first place is considered one’s dwelling place, the second place, their workplace, and the third place is a place of community apart from home and work. For some it may be a bar, a local park, a church; the place is insignificant. What matters is the community that develops there.

Sitting there among this group of strangers then, it clicked. Yes, the third place. That was what I was looking for. That’s what I needed. Third place, anyone? Got one I could join?

Now, please don’t start to feel sorry for me. : ) Things are good, really. Moving carries with it inevitable adjustment. I know the community will come in time, and I’m actively pursuing it, even if it means going to dinners in homes where I don’t know a single soul and succumbing to the despised chit chat. (Actually, I had an incredible experience doing just that this past week … real third place potential there) Being here just makes me really thankful for all the third places I had there. I was so blessed by Sunday morning FLOCK, FLOCK at Craig and Beth’s, card night with the girls, Henderson Monday night volleyball, House Church, Wednesdays in the Mesta with Stacey, Conversation Cafe, and Friday Panera breakfasts with Jamie.

So … first place? Check. Second place? Check. Third place? I’ll get there. Prayers appreciated friends.

2007: An Illustrated Year in Review

One of my favorite Christmas traditions is the Christmas card.  I couldn’t tell you the history or anything, but for as long as I can remember my family has sent and received them.  It’s exciting to get something other than bills or advertisements in the mail, even if it is just a simple card.  Growing up I always appreciated those who would send a picture with their card, even more those who sent a letter.  Ah, the Christmas card letter.  Granted, for most people this is usually a somewhat censored version of the previous year.  You never get a letter saying, “Well, Johnny got out on parole this past April,” or “Suzy fell off the wagon once again, and we’re still waiting to learn her whereabouts.”  The Christmas letter serves to maximize the year’s triumphs while minimizing or ignoring its pitfalls.  Anyway, all that to say that instead of sending out my own Christmas letter this year, I’ve decided to blog it.  So here for your reading pleasure is my own illustrated version of the year’s events including the highs and lows … with only a little bit of censorship.  J

 

Wheaton, Part 1

I began 2007 in a scramble to get my application in for a master’s program at Wheaton College.  I had finally decided that grad school was for me, and Wheaton was at the top of my list.  The scramble was due to a grad assistantship application deadline in February with one of the requirements being acceptance into the graduate school.  So began the process of essays, transcript requests, and recommendation letters.  I soon found out I was accepted into their Biblical Exegesis program, a definite cause for celebration.  However, after a long application process including essay questions, a test, a phone interview and an all day long campus visit with several mini interviews, come April I found out I did not get the grad assistantship I was seeking.  Disheartened and disappointed, I decided to defer my acceptance into the program for a year, then not completely sure if Wheaton was the place for me.

 

Concerts

2007 was perhaps my favorite year in regard to concerts.  I finally was able to cross Ben Harper off my list (twice J) and saw Derek Webb twice as well.  In addition to my two absolute favorites, I caught shows with Jeff Tweedy, Guster, Charlie Hall, Shawn McDonald, Indigo Girls, Anberlin, Switchfoot, Rilo Kiley, and the Decemberists.  Best acts were Ben Harper at Cain’s in Tulsa with Jayme (front row), Rilo Kiley at Palladium in Dallas with Erin (second row) and Decemberists at the Vic Theatre in Chicago with Jayme (second-ish row).   

 

Running

The on again off again relationship continues.  I ran again in the Redbud Classic, its 25^th annual, and my 3^rd.  I also progressed onto the half marathon in the OKC Memorial last April after two years of relay team participation.  However, I slacked a little in my training and didn’t run the whole thing as was my initial goal.  I did run further than I ever had before, though, and finished the race with a desire to complete the full marathon the following year.  So the end of 2007 began my training for April ’08.  26(.2) miles in my 26^th year.  Yep.

Ben-friend to Boyfriend

2007 also saw the coming and going of my first “grown up” relationship.  An ambiguous friendship progressed into a defined relationship bringing with it both excitement and frustration.  I am so thankful for the experience, definitely a learning one at that.  I was honored in his pursuit of me and challenged by his character.  And while breaking up was hard initially (He broke up with me … I said I’d share the lows as well J), I wouldn’t trade that experience or change anything with the perspective I have now. 

 

Haircut

On the heels of a break up, what better way to begin moving on than a drastic haircut?  I usually have a hair cut goal I’m working toward.  You know – cutting bangs, growing out the bangs, blonde, red, etc.  For awhile I’d been admiring the Victoria Beckham shorter in the back, longer in the front cut (a reverse mullet, if you will), and the break up was just the impetus I needed to follow through.  I’ll just say that it’s my favorite hair cut I’ve ever had and that I get compliments on it all the time.  Seriously, strangers come up to me asking me who cuts my hair.  Kudos to Kendra … and my inspiration, Posh Spice.

 

Daniel’s Surgery

This summer my brother finally had a surgery his doctors have speculated about since his cerebral palsy diagnosis at six months old.  With a decrease in mobility over the past few years, they decided to go in and cut tendons in his groin and hamstrings in order to lengthen the muscles.  The expected recovery was up to eight weeks in hip to toe casts, pretty much confined to the house the remainder of his summer.  To add to the stress, my mom got really sick a few days before the surgery was scheduled and couldn’t make it there.  Thankfully my sweet aunt flew down to take over the “mom” role that neither my dad nor myself were equipped to fill, not being moms ourselves.  On the morning of his surgery I was able to share with him the verses that happened to be listed in conjunction with the devotional my church put out over the summer.  “The LORD has said to me in the strongest terms: ‘Do not think like everyone else does.  Do not be afraid that some plan conceived behind closed doors will be the end of you.  Do not fear anything except the LORD Almighty.  He alone is the Holy One.  If you fear him, you need fear nothing else.”  Isaiah 8:11-13.  What sticks out to me the most from being there for that experience was the incredible courage I saw in my brother as well as his trust in the Lord.  Before the surgery and in the months to follow, he shared how he believed God brought him through the extreme difficulty (not an exaggeration in the slightest) and has made him stronger as a result.  Indeed He has.

 

Saturdate

 

What began as a vision in my friend Stacey’s mind nearly two years ago came to fruition this summer in a conference about love, sex, relationships, and truth.  When Stacey asked me to speak at Saturdate, I felt terror and thrill completely intertwined.  I don’t consider myself a public speaker, and my topic (singleness) was personal.  I would much rather have written an article or something.  However, from the moment she asked me I knew no matter how scared I was, it was something I was supposed to do.  And do well.  In the months and weeks leading up to the event, I learned to depend upon the Lord in a way that I hadn’t ever before, and He faithfully provided what became, “Singleness, Embracing the Season.”  The process of preparation was almost as precious as the event itself.  I was so privileged to meet and chat with Shawn and Kate McDonald, our headlining performer and speaker, as I served as their chauffeur for the weekend. Everyone’s talks were incredible and in addition to Shawn, we were all blessed by Charlie Hall leading us in worship Friday night.  I met incredible new people and saw friendships strengthened as only serving together affords.  Such a short space cannot do justice to the weekend, so I’ll just stop there. 

Ministry

 

With my best “hang out” friend moving to Tulsa in September, not to mention the breakup, I had a little more time on my hands this past fall.  Really wanting to redeem the time, I looked for opportunities to serve both at church and school.  Within my FLOCK, a new teaching team began this fall with the intent that members of our group would take turns teaching our class under the mentorship of our current teacher.  Considering that’s maybe what I want to do with my life, I thought it might be a good opportunity for me to gain some experience in that area.  Who knows what people gain from it, but I certainly have learned a lot through the process.  Also, as the Campus Crusade advisor I’ve made an effort to be more active this year by going to meetings and even getting to speak at one of them.  Perhaps my favorite ministry involvement this year has been my work with Conversation Café, a ministry to international students to help them work on their English and in turn build relationships.  I’ve gotten to know one girl in particular who is now truly my friend and often joins me at church.  The volunteers for this ministry are so genuine, and I am incredibly blessed to have met and now know them. 

Wheaton, Part 2

As the fall semester began, I felt more of a sense of urgency to figure out my plans for the following year.  If Wheaton wasn’t for me, then I had better soon figure out what was.  The more I thought about it and talked it over with family, friends, and even an old professor, the more my heart settled in on Wheaton again as my number one option.  I figured the ultimate test would be another visit – half business and half pleasure.  My cousin started there as a freshman this fall, and so I planned a trip to visit her, complete with fun restaurants, sight seeing, and even a concert (actually, a couple of concerts J).  On the business side, I arranged to sit in on several classes and meet with a couple of students in the program I was considering.   I left for the trip fairly confident in my plans to begin there next fall, but I left with certainty.  Barring any unforeseen circumstances, I should be joining Jayme fall of ’08 … for Christ and His Kingdom.

So there you have it, 2007 in a nutshell … perhaps a large one at that.   Thanks for taking the time to read my Christmas card letter, friends!

Past/Present/Future

I’m not sure I’ve ever had a day quite like yesterday.  Initially I would have called it just a really good day.  However, upon closer inspection I realized that yesterday was a sort of microcosm of my life … a collision of past, present, and future. 

Future:

Yesterday afternoon I visited an old college professor to discuss my future educational plans/goals.  I came armed with my list of questions, thankful for someone with whom I could be honest and transparent about my insecurities and fears.  Said professor gave me an hour of his time, and while I went in somewhat unsure and intimidated by the whole grad school process, I left much more confident and enthusiastic about what the next few years hold.  I am excited about possibly moving to a completely different part of the country, for all the newness around the corner.  I realize lately more and more the fullness of time in regard to this pursuit.  I have said it before, but my heart aches to be back in the classroom.  Much to my delight, I will have that opportunity this next week as I visit my cousin at Wheaton and sit in on fun classes like Principles of Interpretation, Hebrew Exegesis of Haggai/Malachi, and Greek Exegesis of Romans.  Making Chi-town plans with Jayme (including two concerts … yay) yesterday on the drive back from Shawnee only intensified my excitement about not only the next few days, but even more so the next few years. 

 

Past:

After my meeting with Dr. Kelly, I got the chance to be nostalgic.  On my way out of Owens I ran into two more old professors and got to chat for a few minutes.  I walked the halls of WMU, stopping to talk with some of the current RAs.  I visited my old room with its arch window overlooking the oval, and therefore fountain.  I walked through the basement and thought about the sometimes out of the way trips to visit Stacey and then Sydnie on the opposite end of the hall if I didn’t have time for a lengthy visit with Ray, the night security guard.  Walking out of WMU, I remembered the view from my room my freshman year of the sun setting behind Raley Chapel.  I walked through the GC and saw the infamous stairs that led to a broken ankle and six of the hardest weeks of my life.  I ate dinner with my old college roommate at a classic Shawnee joint, and even ran into the parents-in-law of an old friend whose wedding I was in nearly six years ago.  And while I have some good memories, I have some regrets as well.  I didn’t always make the most of college in terms of relationships or class work.  I am a different person now than I was then, which leads me to the present.

 

Present:

Because of dinner with Katie, I made it back to Edmond a little late for church, but in plenty of time for FLOCK prayer.  For awhile now, several people in our small group have felt a need/desire to pray together more often, more than just at meals or before/after a lesson.  We do a pretty good job of devoting ourselves to the apostle’s teaching, the breaking of bread, and to fellowship, but in prayer we could definitely do better.  (Acts 2:42)  So we have begun to meet together after church on Wednesday nights.  Prayer could be its own separate post, but I will say that I am just beginning to learn and see its power and effects.  I am incredibly blessed to pray alongside such amazing people who love and care for our small group and want to see God glorified in all the world.  Anyway, prayer was followed by an intense workout session with my own personal trainer and new friend, Yuli.  She is anxious to put her kinesiology knowledge to use, and I am a more than willing guinea pig!  I’m having just a bit of a hard time walking today after my forty lunges with weights, followed by the question, “Okay, can you do twenty more?”  Um, okay.  It is these things, these relationships and myriad of other opportunities God has brought into my life this semester that leave me amazed.

 

Yesterday I realized that I am blessed to have great memories, but glad not to be the same person today that I was then.  I am content with my life now, deeply satisfied and pleased even.  However, I look forward to the future with a joyful anticipation and excitement, albeit a little nervousness.  So I am thankful for my past, present, and future.  And I am thankful for yesterday and its collision of eras that prompted this reflection. 

Please Please Please (Don’t) Let Me Get What I Want

A friend of mine recently found the time to blog amidst the craziness of a camp she directs, so I felt a little inspired.  RAs are here.  We’re right in the middle of training.  Students move in Saturday.  Most days I’m working from 8:00 AM until midnight or later, but today I am taking time to write.

The other day I was reminded of The Smiths song, “Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want.”  (Before anyone gets to thinking that I’m more hipster than I am, I have to admit that I only know of The Smiths through a quick reference on Gilmore Girls and by the aforementioned song on the “Pretty in Pink” soundtrack.)  I was reading through Psalm 106 which basically recounts the history of the Israelites, and verses 14 and 15 caught my attention.  “But they had a wanton craving in the wilderness, and put God to the test in the desert; he gave them what they asked, but sent a wasting disease among them.”  After God delivered the Israelites out of Egypt, he led them in the desert for 40 years, sustaining them with a miraculous food, manna, that no one had ever known before.  Exodus 16:31 describes its taste as like wafers made with honey.  God fed the Israelites in this way, but for some of them, it wasn’t enough.  They cried out and complained for meat.  They longed for Egypt where they had plenty of meat and variety, reasoning that the slavery God delivered them from was better than the blandness, monotony, and harshness of desert life.  The Lord granted their request saying, “You shall not eat just one day, or two days, or five days, or ten days, or twenty days, but a whole month until it comes out at your nostrils and becomes loathesome to you because you have rejected the LORD who is among you and have wept before him, saying, ‘Why did we come out of Egypt?’”  (Numbers 11:19-20)  Numbers goes on to say in verse 33, “While the meat was yet between their teeth, before it was consumed, the anger of the LORD was kindled against the people, and the LORD struck down the people with a very great plague.”

In reading these passages, I couldn’t help but be thankful that the Lord doesn’t grant my every wish, whim, or desire.  Over the past few months, I have experienced more disappointment than at any other time in my life.  Back in March I was accepted into grad school, which was certainly not a disappointment.  However, a big part of my being able to begin in the fall was getting the grad assistantship for which I had applied that in essence would make things affordable.  Things looked really good.  I moved from phone interview, to on-campus interview, always feeling like it was the right thing for me, that this was what God had placed on my heart.  The timing seemed perfect.  I had such a renewed longing to learn, and this opportunity to continue working with students in residence life, except minus many of the administrative headaches I currently face, seemed perfect as well.  As I returned home from the interview, I was excited and filled with anticipation of what the next year would bring.

About a month later (much longer than was initially conveyed to me) I got the rejection call.  It’s hard to explain what I felt, exactly.  I was disappointed, but I somehow knew it was right.  As much as I was ready to move on, way in the back of my mind, that place I rarely visit or allow to visit me, I knew there were things to take care of here and now.  It certainly wasn’t my preference or desire, but it was what it was, and I dealt with it.

Add to the complicated mix my first real relationship since high school.  Honestly, some of the hurt over the GA rejection was lessened by the fact that I had a boyfriend.  A close friend of mine, upon hearing about the rejection, reasoned that perhaps God was keeping me here for that very reason, so that I could have more time to get to know and grow closer to my boyfriend.  I believe that God has a million reasons for moving as He does, so I try not to assign neat and tidy interpretations to my life’s circumstances.  However, her words had crossed my mind long before she ever verbalized them.  I remember thinking not long before the GA rejection, that the worst thing that could happen to me would be not getting the grad assistantship and thus not starting grad school in the fall and for me and my boyfriend to break up.  One without the other would be fine, but to not have either would be devastating.  Now I realize that there are much worse things that can happen to a person, but in my mind and heart, these two things were my greatest earthly desires. 

Three weeks exactly after the rejection phone call, I was once again rejected, this time by the boyfriend.  Suddenly, I felt a much bigger loss concerning grad school.  It was as though I hadn’t allowed myself to grieve that disappointment, and it was now so much more incredibly real.  And it wasn’t just school; I was heartbroken over the loss of a relationship unlike any other I had known.  In my entire life, I have known two people I would consider as having marriage potential.  One of them married someone else, and the other broke up with me.  Strangely enough, however, just like the GA rejection, something in me way down deep knew that this too was right. 

I’m not sure that that knowledge made things any easier at first.  This was disappointment on a level that I had not known.  However, one of the first thoughts that came to my mind was Psalm 34:18 which says, “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”  And while the purpose of this blog is not to recount the breakup aftermath, I will say that the Lord was close.  Perhaps closer than He’s ever been.  And that alone made the painful experiences worth it.

So here I am, months later, with a little more perspective, and all I can say is praise God that He didn’t give me what I wanted.  I wouldn’t change a single thing about the way things have transpired.  I am fully confident that His ways, His plans, His purposes are best.  Best, not just good.  Going to grad school would have been a good thing.  Dating a fellow seeking believer was a good thing.  But neither were the best thing.  I could use this space to list the several reasons I think God allowed things to happen as they did, but they don’t really matter.  All that matters is that God is good, and His rule and reign is good, and if He allows me to participate in that kingdom, that also is exceedingly good. 

So my prayer is that God would purify my desires so that they become His desires.  But until then, please, please, please don’t let me get what I want.

“Too soon and we take it all for granted; too late is more than we can bear.”

For almost three weeks now I have been waiting on some significant information, information that will determine where I will be and what I’ll be doing for the next year or two.  I liken this waiting to when I applied for my current job three years ago and was told I should find out by the end of the week (interviewed on a Tuesday) if I got the job.  When five o’clock that Friday rolled around with no news, I was a little disheartened.  It seemed to me that taking longer than expected couldn’t be a good thing.  But come Monday morning I got a call telling me I got the job, and I honestly think my joy was somewhat enhanced by the wait.

Someone recently asked me to share the most significant spiritual lesson I had learned over the past year.  My mind immediately went to the Lord’s faithfulness.  As I look back on the course of my life, I am amazed at all the circumstances that God used to bring me to where I am now, how He prepared me for each new step, and how faithful He was to provide for me along the way.  The Lord is so faithful to provide for all of my needs, and oftentimes, in true Good Father fashion, many of my wants.  I have learned to trust His wisdom, even if it means disappointment.  So that’s where I am now, waiting and trusting.

When I was a junior in college, I really felt led to apply to be Head RA my senior year.  It was odd; I had never really considered the position, and my desire had always been to stay an RA in WMU until I graduated.  I loved that place so much, and I couldn’t imagine being happier anywhere else on campus.  But as the time drew near to apply, I really felt like it was the right thing for me to do.  I prayed about it like crazy, along with my family and small group, and I put my very best effort into my written application and interview.  There wasn’t one thing I thought I could have done differently; I was all in.  And then we got our letters, and I didn’t get it.

I was disappointed.  I cried.  I was confused.  Although I trusted that it was somehow right, I couldn’t understand why God would place it on my heart to apply only to have it not work out.  It was His desire in the first place, not mine.  So what was I supposed to do now?

I think there are some experiences that people go through, bad experiences, horrible even, and they never get to know why.  Thankfully, the Lord has since shown me in several different ways why that position was not best for me.  Most significantly, the Head RA position lasted through the summer after graduation, and the job I got began June 1st.  Also, as a Hall Director each year for the past three years I have had to make a decision between two amazing Senior RA candidates, and my experience of going through that process has brought a much needed understanding and empathy.  I could list lots of other little things, but really my point is that God saw where I would be years down the line and acted totally in my best interest.  Faithful and trustworthy indeed.

Sometimes I wish that God wanted me to be a nurse, or an accountant, or a high school English teacher.  Anything that I could just go to school for, graduate, and then do.  But when I look at what brings me the most joy, what challenges me, what I could see myself doing for years to come, it is none of these things.  More than anything else, I want to study and learn Scripture, its language, its context, its application.  I want to help others learn.  At this point I’m thinking college professor, but I’m open.  It has been my experience that God doesn’t reveal His will to me in huge chunks, but rather in small steps of obedience.  So here I am, three years out of college, with an awakened and incredibly intense desire to be back in school.  But just like Head RA, I didn’t choose this desire.  Believe me, if I had chosen, it would be a lot easier than this.

So I’m sitting here, thinking that I need to remind God that He’s led me up to this point, that this was His idea, not mine, that this is for His glory, so why wouldn’t He follow through on it?  But my perspective is limited.  And the Lord is wise.  It comes down to what I believe about Him.  Even if I am disappointed, and even if I never get to know why, I will say as Job did, “The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”

Praise the Lord for significant lyrics, because other than Scripture, nothing speaks more to my heart and circumstances.  One song has been my anthem over the past year, as it continually applies to situation after situation.  As I seem to be in a season of waiting, I am comforted by the truth of these words.

There’s a restlessness in the soul of man

Nobody’s tamed it yet

You never fail to keep any promises

But somehow we forget

 

That You’re always right on time

 

And You feed us all with a silver spoon

And like Your foolish kids

We start worrying about what we’re gonna do

When the hunger comes again

 

But You’re always right on time

With an open hand

You have exactly what I need

Daily bread, daily bread

 

You have the wisdom and the patience

We need Your grace to see it clear

Too soon and we take it all for granted

Too late is more than we can bear

 

So You’re always right on time

With an open hand

You have exactly what I need

Daily bread, daily bread, daily bread

 

(Jill Phillips – Daily Bread)

 

Who knows, maybe Monday I’ll get my news.  It’s definitely not too soon, and I won’t take it for granted.  However, God is good, and He hasn’t given me anything I couldn’t bear.

03.18.07

Welp, big day tomorrow … involving a flight to Chicago … even bigger day Tuesday … prayers are appreciated, my friends.

I don’t really have any time to write, but I hated that I was going off to said momentous days without any sort of a Xanga precursor, so here it is.  More to come!