Posted by: deerharas | March 7, 2006


The new Caedmon’s Call CD came out today … I’m still waiting on my Grassroots preorder.

About a month ago, I got an odd voice mail from my mom promising me “big news.”  Intrigued, I called her back and came to find out that my uncle Greg was engaged … to a woman he met three weeks before.  When my uncle Jack broke the news to his daughter, he did so by asking, “Ericka, of all the people you know in the world, who is last person you would expect to get engaged?”  Without any hesitation she responded, “Uncle Greg?”

Less than two weeks after the big announcement, Greg was married.  Oddly enough, this didn’t get me thinking about whirlwind romances or races to the altar, but rather compatibility.  See, my uncle is pretty unconventional.  For example, he doesn’t have a phone (land line or cell) nor does he shave his beard or cut his hair.  Despite unconventional appearance, however, he is good hearted and passionate about his beliefs.  Now I haven’t met this woman, and I don’t think the whole quick marriage thing is particularly wise.  However, from everything I’ve heard about her, she seems to be a pretty good fit for Greg. 

Compatibility.  I won’t turn this into a forum to debate whether or not there are soul mates or if in fact there are a number of people with whom we could happily spend the rest of our lives.  I’m just wondering, does the old adage hold true … are there really plenty of fish in the sea?

In Greg’s case … probably not.  He may have found his one and only fish.  I don’t think it’s true for me, either.  I have had plenty of crushes in my day, but were any marriage worthy?  Maybe one … and he married someone else.  It’s kind of bizarre to imagine the person I will spend the rest of my life with.  It seems like the older I get and the more I learn and experience, my fishpond gets smaller and smaller. 

I always wondered what the song “Just Don’t Want Coffee” really meant.  It turns out that Derek Webb wrote it as a response to a short-lived relationship he had with an atheist.  He described her as very intellectual and analytical; they could talk for hours about nothing.  In one of his journals he wrote, “That whole thing scarred me though.  I so rarely find someone that I am so compatible with.  Relationships have always been few and far between with me.  The amazing thing is how faithful God has been to bring Himself glory through my weakness.  I wrote half the song ‘I Just Don’t Want Coffee’ while I was still in that relationship.  It wasn’t until the week after it was over that I was able to write the last verse.”

I don’t know, not that I’ve ever dated an atheist, but I can totally identify with his desire to be with someone who challenged and inspired him, someone he related to.  I can also identify with the feeling that there aren’t really that many out there that would meet those criteria. 

In tenth grade I came up with “the list.”  Any guy possessing my top ten I just knew was destined to be my “F.H.”  In ranked order, my desirable qualities were as follows:

  1. Christian
  2. Smart/Wise
  3. Kind/Considerate/Sweet
  4. Patient
  5. Polite
  6. Funny
  7. Optimistic
  8. Good looking
  9. Ambitious
  10. Athletic

Now you have to admit, that list is pretty mature for a sixteen year old and only mildly superficial.  I’ve known people who have way more specific characteristics than that … like “must love OU” or “must be a certain height.”  While my preferences have somewhat changed from these in the past seven years, my current preference list would be more extensive than that.  However, “preference” is the key word.  All preferences aside, I have a list of two non-negotiables … for those you’ll have to ask me face to face.

But back to the preference thing, a while back I ate dinner with a wise friend and the topic of dating came up.  After discussing a couple guys, Stacey told me I could be writing off diamonds in the rough, to which I responded, “But I don’t want the rough!”  I’m coming to learn that my preferences can be extremely unrealistic.  I often make snap judgments based on one out of place comment, some insignificant physical attribute or in some cases, mismatched musical preferences.  I want a finished product, forgetting that I am not finished.  God is continually molding and forming me to the image of Christ, and whomever I ultimately choose is also currently in that process.  It’s time to have a little grace, a little vision.

So I enjoyed writing this.  I think I’m a better writer than talker … I know what I really think after I’ve written something.  If you made it all the way through this post … kudos to you.  I doubt there are many … especially now that Stacey’s on myspace. 

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