Posted by: deerharas | August 20, 2006


“You know, there are very few times in my life when I find myself sitting around thinking, ‘I wish I was married.’  But today … I mean … I … I’m happy.  You know?  I like my life.  I like my friends.  I like my stuff.  My time.  My space.  My TV.  But every now and then, just for a moment, I wish I had a partner.  Someone to pick up the slack, someone to wait for the cable guy, make me coffee in the morning …”

 – Lorelai to Luke in GG episode # 79, “The Incredible Shrinking Lorelais”

I suppose I have thought a lot about my future husband/marriage (notice I didn’t say wedding).  Never really in an “Oh, I can’t wait to be married” way, but more in an “I wonder what that will be like” way.  I was always counseled never to date someone I wouldn’t consider marrying, which of course raises the marriage potential question for every guy I’m attracted to.  College came, and I was suddenly surrounded by friends falling in love and getting married.  Then there’s that ever popular OBU phrase, “Ring by Spring.”  Honestly, it was all a little much, and I began to push aside most thoughts about my own future marriage.  I didn’t want to meet my husband at OBU … that was too typical for me. 

Well, I graduated, and a strange thing happened.  I began to think about marriage again.  It was odd; a desire I had previously pushed aside was suddenly reawakened.  I don’t want to give the wrong impression; it’s not like it’s all I thought about or anything, but it was there.  And it’s still there.  Occasionally I think about wanting to get married.

Even as I write those words, I almost feel embarrassed.  Because I don’t want to be that girl.  The girl who is waiting for her life to start.  The girl who is is incomplete in herself.  The girl who thinks her wedding day will be the best day of her life.  But you know what?  I am not that girl, and having a desire for marraige doesn’t make me her either.

Recently I was reminded of the particular Gilmore Girls episode referenced above.   Lorelai’s words could be mine.  “Every now and then, just for a moment, I wish I had a partner.”  I like that word, “partner.”  Partner in life.  Partner in ministry.  Partner in love.  I once received a wedding invitation with Ecclesiastes 4:12b printed at the bottom.  In context, it says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone?  Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

I think in a society in which independence, often to the point of isolation, is praised, it is important to reiterate the necessity and reality of interdependence and interconnectedness.  Granted, this is not limited to marriage, but what an amazing representation of it marriage can be.  Marriage is a good thing, and I will no longer be embarrassed to admit my desire for it.

So where does that leave me?  With a desire yet unfulfilled.  So what am I supposed to do now?  Three things come to mind: 1) I am to become the person God has created me to be.  2) I am to live my life now and live it abundantly.  3) I am to TRUST GOD.  Now that’s not too difficult, is it?  Haha.

I am so thankful for the wisdom God has given Derek Webb, along with the talent and artistry to express that wisdom through music.  Awhile back I did a Derek Webb lyric tribute on each post in the weeks leading up to his concert, but I never posted the lyrics to my favorite song of his, knowing that I would want to use them in this, my final post on relationships/singleness/dating/marriage.  So I leave you with them now, along with a scripture a college girl shared with me when I was in high school in regard to my dating relationships.  Both are extremely significant to me when it comes to this area of my life, and I pray that they speak to you as well.

Table for Two – Caedmon’s Call


Danny and I spent another late night over pancakes
We talked about soccer and how every man’s just the same
And made speculation on the who’s and the when’s of our futures
And how everyone’s lonely but still we just couldn’t complain


And how we just hate being alone
Could I have missed my only chance
And now I’m just wasting my time
By looking around


But you know I know better, I’m not gonna worry ’bout nothing
‘Cause if the birds and the flowers survive then I’ll make it okay
Given a chance and a rock see which one breaks a window
And see which one keeps me up all night and into the day


Because I’m so scared of being alone
That I forgot what house I live in
But it’s not my job to wait by the phone
For her to call


Well this day’s been crazy but everything’s happened on schedule
From the rain and the cold to the drink that I spilled on my shirt
‘Cause You knew how You’d save me before I fell dead in the garden
And You knew this day long before You made me out of dirt


And You know the plans that You have for me
And You can’t plan the ends and not plan the means
And so I suppose I just need some peace
To get me to sleep

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”  Proverbs 3:5-6

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