Posted by: deerharas | April 8, 2007

“Too soon and we take it all for granted; too late is more than we can bear.”

For almost three weeks now I have been waiting on some significant information, information that will determine where I will be and what I’ll be doing for the next year or two.  I liken this waiting to when I applied for my current job three years ago and was told I should find out by the end of the week (interviewed on a Tuesday) if I got the job.  When five o’clock that Friday rolled around with no news, I was a little disheartened.  It seemed to me that taking longer than expected couldn’t be a good thing.  But come Monday morning I got a call telling me I got the job, and I honestly think my joy was somewhat enhanced by the wait.

Someone recently asked me to share the most significant spiritual lesson I had learned over the past year.  My mind immediately went to the Lord’s faithfulness.  As I look back on the course of my life, I am amazed at all the circumstances that God used to bring me to where I am now, how He prepared me for each new step, and how faithful He was to provide for me along the way.  The Lord is so faithful to provide for all of my needs, and oftentimes, in true Good Father fashion, many of my wants.  I have learned to trust His wisdom, even if it means disappointment.  So that’s where I am now, waiting and trusting.

When I was a junior in college, I really felt led to apply to be Head RA my senior year.  It was odd; I had never really considered the position, and my desire had always been to stay an RA in WMU until I graduated.  I loved that place so much, and I couldn’t imagine being happier anywhere else on campus.  But as the time drew near to apply, I really felt like it was the right thing for me to do.  I prayed about it like crazy, along with my family and small group, and I put my very best effort into my written application and interview.  There wasn’t one thing I thought I could have done differently; I was all in.  And then we got our letters, and I didn’t get it.

I was disappointed.  I cried.  I was confused.  Although I trusted that it was somehow right, I couldn’t understand why God would place it on my heart to apply only to have it not work out.  It was His desire in the first place, not mine.  So what was I supposed to do now?

I think there are some experiences that people go through, bad experiences, horrible even, and they never get to know why.  Thankfully, the Lord has since shown me in several different ways why that position was not best for me.  Most significantly, the Head RA position lasted through the summer after graduation, and the job I got began June 1st.  Also, as a Hall Director each year for the past three years I have had to make a decision between two amazing Senior RA candidates, and my experience of going through that process has brought a much needed understanding and empathy.  I could list lots of other little things, but really my point is that God saw where I would be years down the line and acted totally in my best interest.  Faithful and trustworthy indeed.

Sometimes I wish that God wanted me to be a nurse, or an accountant, or a high school English teacher.  Anything that I could just go to school for, graduate, and then do.  But when I look at what brings me the most joy, what challenges me, what I could see myself doing for years to come, it is none of these things.  More than anything else, I want to study and learn Scripture, its language, its context, its application.  I want to help others learn.  At this point I’m thinking college professor, but I’m open.  It has been my experience that God doesn’t reveal His will to me in huge chunks, but rather in small steps of obedience.  So here I am, three years out of college, with an awakened and incredibly intense desire to be back in school.  But just like Head RA, I didn’t choose this desire.  Believe me, if I had chosen, it would be a lot easier than this.

So I’m sitting here, thinking that I need to remind God that He’s led me up to this point, that this was His idea, not mine, that this is for His glory, so why wouldn’t He follow through on it?  But my perspective is limited.  And the Lord is wise.  It comes down to what I believe about Him.  Even if I am disappointed, and even if I never get to know why, I will say as Job did, “The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”

Praise the Lord for significant lyrics, because other than Scripture, nothing speaks more to my heart and circumstances.  One song has been my anthem over the past year, as it continually applies to situation after situation.  As I seem to be in a season of waiting, I am comforted by the truth of these words.

There’s a restlessness in the soul of man

Nobody’s tamed it yet

You never fail to keep any promises

But somehow we forget


That You’re always right on time


And You feed us all with a silver spoon

And like Your foolish kids

We start worrying about what we’re gonna do

When the hunger comes again


But You’re always right on time

With an open hand

You have exactly what I need

Daily bread, daily bread


You have the wisdom and the patience

We need Your grace to see it clear

Too soon and we take it all for granted

Too late is more than we can bear


So You’re always right on time

With an open hand

You have exactly what I need

Daily bread, daily bread, daily bread


(Jill Phillips – Daily Bread)


Who knows, maybe Monday I’ll get my news.  It’s definitely not too soon, and I won’t take it for granted.  However, God is good, and He hasn’t given me anything I couldn’t bear.


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