Posted by: deerharas | March 24, 2010

Así, Así

Last night at small group my friend JC greeted me with “¿Cómo estás?” Not often do I get to flex my almost non-existant Spanish muscles (two years in high school and two semesters in college, but sadly not much retention), so it’s always fun to attempt conversing with JC, Judith, or Victoria. Mostly they laugh. To answer JC, I responded with one of the few Spanish phrases I know (and can pronounce) … así, así. I immediately remembered the entrance of said phrase into my Spanish vocabulary, and funny enough, it wasn’t in class.

So I’m the “crush” girl. And I have been as long as I can remember. We’re talking preschool; I vaguely remember a boy named Derek sharing his chapstick with me and some sort of kissing incident behind an umbrella. 🙂 In elementary school I had age inappropriate crushes on boys in the youth group, in middle school it was the orchestra boys, and in high school it was the athletes. My sophomore year I developed quite the infatuation with a particular soccer player. He was tall with broad shoulders, and we had the same lunch period. I was always keenly aware of his whereabouts, and, in true girl-crush fashion, would talk about him incessantly with my lunch table friends. I even gave him a nickname based on the time he left the cafeteria each day … 11:37. (I still have friends tell me they can’t see that it’s 11:37 and not think of me. 🙂 ) So after months of crushin’ on 11:37, I finally got up the nerve to ask my Brazilian friend Renato, who also played soccer, to feel out the waters for me. Kind of a more mature version of the “Do you like me? Check yes or no” note. After a few days Renato brought me back the equivalent of a box checked “no.” Obviously not wanting to hurt my feelings, he was hesitant to give details. But after some prodding on my part I got the gist of the conversation that evidently went something like this:

“Hey, what do you think of Sarah Reed?”

“Uh, así, así.” (I can envision the hand gesture.)

Now I’m not sure if 11:37 actually used Spanish or if that was Renato’s translation, but either way the words are tattooed on my brain. I suppose it’s good he didn’t say “Muy mal” or something worse, but to be thought of as only “so, so” in the eyes of your crush is … well … crushing.

It turned out that the guy already had a girlfriend anyway, and that maybe he wasn’t the best guy for me to date as well. In fact, I’m pretty grateful that several of my crushes throughout the years never moved beyond crush-stage. Rejection is never fun in the moment, but I can honestly view most of my unrequited crushes as divine protection from some potentially BAD relationships. I tend to get a little tunnel vision when it comes to crushes. I see something great and overlook a lot of not great, and I KNOW I’m not the only girl who does this. It’s a lot easier to see the not great once you realize your interest is not reciprocated than in the midst of a relationship with a person. But I’m rambling now … this was just meant to be a fun reminiscence on the origin of perhaps my least favorite Spanish phrase. Goodnight, friends. Here’s hoping you are all muy bien and not just así, así.

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